


I wanted you to know

by CharvelleTrash



Category: SKAM (Netherlands)
Genre: First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, Kes is an idiot, Love Confession, Lucas is being dramatic, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Kes, POV Lucas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:00:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27761158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharvelleTrash/pseuds/CharvelleTrash
Summary: Kes and Lucas are best friends. Nothing can change that. Except when Lucas starts to date a random girl and Kes suddenly has feelings he doesn't understand.
Relationships: Kes De Beus/Lucas van der Heijden
Kudos: 5





	I wanted you to know

**Author's Note:**

> I love these two idiots with all my heart <3

Kes' life is finally back to normal. Or whatever normal means.

But at least he is feeling okay with himself and is able to breathe again after all the drama of the last weeks.

Sure, he is single now, but Isa is still his friend and he actually enjoys having more time on his own and hanging out with Lucas and Jayden without feeling guilty.

He is actually feeling exceptionally great – unfortunately, that changes the moment he walks into school and sees Lucas making out with a girl by the bike stand.

His stomach turns and he suddenly feels like he might vomit.

They're standing in front of each other, not an inch of space between them. Lucas has his hands on her ass and his tongue in her mouth. It looks like they're eating each other's faces and it's actually gross but Kes feels more pain that disgust.

Before he can ask himself why, Liv stands next to him.

“Wow“, she says and chuckles.

Kes looks at her, thankful for the distraction.

“He is kind of a player, isn't he?“, she asks.

She watches Lucas and the girl and raises her eyebrows approvingly.

Kes doesn't know what to say and just shrugs.

There's something else in Liv's face, a small question between her knitted eyebrows, but Kes can't figure it out.

The rest of the girl squad joins them, all saying Hi and then staring at Lucas as if they're watching a movie scene unfold in front of them.

Engel's eyes are wide, and Isa and Liv share a knowing look and it drives Kes a bit crazy.

Janna tilts her head. “He looks like he is a good kisser.“

Isa grins. “You're still into him?“

Janna thinks for a second. “I don't think so. But like... I wouldn't mind being her now.“

The other girls laugh. Kes doesn't.

He can't listen to this anymore. 

As Engel's phone rings he uses the moment to quietly slip away.

He walks down the hall towards the classroom and his mind is racing a mile per minute.

But he can't form coherent thoughts, there are only bits and pieces going around in a loop.

Lucas' tongue, his hands roaming the back of the girl, his eyes closed and Janna's voice saying “good kisser“.

Kes' throat feels dry and he swallows.

Why would he care if Lucas is a good kisser or not?

He is happy that he gets to make out with a pretty girl, although he finds it strange that Kes doesn't even know her and Lucas never mentioned anything.

He thought they were friends. Kes told him so much about Isa and their relationship.

Yes, that's why he is hurt. Because Lucas didn't tell him.

Kes sighs, enters the classroom and flops down at a table in the back.

There are a few students around him but he is too deep in his thoughts to pay any attention to them.

He's just gonna talk to Lucas. They can talk about anything, right?

They're best friends. It shouldn't be that hard.

Kes doesn't know what to say.

He and Lucas sit in the skate park, taking a break.

The sun is shining down on them and Lucas is leaned back on his arms, eyes closed, enjoying the warm sunshine.

Kes looks at him from the side. For a moment, he gets lost in Lucas' face that looks so peaceful. He could stare at it forever. Lucas' freckles, the mole over his mouth. His curved lips. His long eyelashes...

He finally looks away.

Lucas hasn't said anything about the girl and Kes doesn't know how to ask.

Hey Lucas, care to tell me who that girl was you made out with?

It sounds weird. Why would Kes care?

Well, because they're friends. Kes is just interested in Lucas' life because he cares about him. That's all.

He clears his throat. Lucas opens his eyes.

They look at each other for a moment. Lucas smiles at him.

“What's up?“

Kes smiles back, but it takes him some effort.

“I saw you today.“ He's trying to sound neutral. Just curious.

Lucas frowns, not understanding.

“You know, at the bike stands.“ Kes wiggles his eyebrows. „With the girl.“

“Oh.“ Lucas blushes slightly and looks away. He huffs.

“Yeah, I guess a lot of people saw.“

Kes waits for him so say more, but Lucas doesn't. It frustrates him.

“So, are you two like... together or something?“, he asks, playing with his shoelaces.

Lucas shakes his head.

“Nah, we're just messing around. She's … hot, I guess.“

“You guess?“

Lucas shrugs. He seems to check Kes' face for clues and Kes doesn't know what he's looking for.

They sit in an uncomfortable silence which is unusual for them.

“Her name is Nina“, Lucas finally says.

“Ah.“ Kes nods. Why is this so awkward?

“Do you like her?“, Kes asks.

Lucas chews on his bottom lip. “I don't know. We don't really … talk much, you know?“

Kes forces himself to smile.

“Go get some, dude! Good for you.“ Yes, this is better. Friends supporting each other.

Something in Lucas' face falls and Kes doesn't understand why. He just knows that he wants to make it go away. This shadow behind his eyes.

He opens his mouth to say something but Lucas abruptly stands up and grabs his skateboard.

“Come on, let's skate around a bit.“

Kes nods and gets up. He watches Lucas as he steps on his board and gracefully rolls down the halfpipe.

This conversation was weird. He feels like there's something between them, something they can't talk about.

And it scares him.

*~*~*

Lucas comes home and immediately goes to his room, throws his backpack into a corner and flops himself down onto his bed.

He groans and buries his head in his hands.

Frustration sits heavily in his chest and drags him down. He wants to disappear into the earth.

Why did he do that? Making out with Nina in front of everyone, a tiny hope in his chest that a certain someone would get jealous...

He feels stupid. Why would Kes be jealous? They're friends. He doesn't care who Lucas makes out with. He's happy when he 'gets some'. Lucas cringes at the memory.

Kes was weird today, but that doesn't mean anything.

Maybe he was hurt that Lucas didn't tell him about Nina.

It's strange: When Isa and Kes were together, Lucas was so jealous. Every day, every minute they spend together, every time he had to see them kiss. The feeling was nasty and painful and he thought it would eat him up alive.

And he thought Isa and Kes breaking up would make him feel better.

That wasn't the case. Isa was angry with him and she had all the right to be. He felt so shitty for treating her the way he did and lying to her on top of that.

But even after the drama had happened and things went slowly back to normal, it wasn't like he imagined.

He had hoped that he and Kes would spend more time together and it would be like before: Easy. Light. Carefree.

But now every time they hung out, Lucas was wondering who would be Kes' next girlfriend. Maybe someone who wouldn't like Lucas as much as Isa and he would see Kes less and less until they were only friends who saw each other every few weeks without really knowing what was going on in the other one's life.

Lucas sighs.

His crush on Kes is destroying his life. He doesn't know what to do with himself.

He wishes he could rip out his heart and throw it away. He also wishes he wasn't that dramatic.

His phone makes a sound and he picks it up. A text from Jayden.

“Party at my flat, Friday night. Bring weed.“

He texts back a thumbs up. Maybe a party will distract his mind to the point where he forgets that he is hopelessly in love with his best friend and can't do anything about it.

He didn't realise 'party' meant 'just a few friends hanging out'.

When Jayden opens the door to his flat, he smiles at him and then looks a bit surprised at Nina standing next to Lucas.

He is polite enough to not say anything (which is impressive coming from Jayden) but Lucas understands his awkwardness when he follows him into the living room and there are only Ralph, Esra, Janna and Liv sitting on the sofa.

Nina waves around and Lucas introduces her to the rest of the group.

It really feels like she is his girlfriend. Which she isn't.

Lucas sits down in an armchair and Nina immediately lowers herself onto his lap and brings her arms around his neck.

It's warm and uncomfortable. He can feel her breath on his neck.

Kes and Isa suddenly come out of the kitchen into the living room and Kes stops dead in his tracks as he sees Lucas and Nina on top of him.

Lucas waves awkwardly and Kes nods quickly, then follows Isa to the couch.

They sit next to each other and continue their conversation from before, Isa laughing loudly at whatever Kes is saying.

The room is filled with shrill electro music and smoke and Lucas wants to leave.

“Hey“, Nina says and smiles at him. She brushes back a lock of Lucas' hair that had fallen onto his forehead.

He smiles back at her. Nina is nice. She really is. They made out at a party a few weeks ago and exchanged numbers and texted a few times and made out some more times – but it's nothing serious. It's easy. Uncomplicated. And safe.

But somehow the thought that people might think that she's his girlfriend upsets him.

And he doesn't like the fact that Kes doesn't even seem to notice him or to care that he is here.

He looks at Nina and thinks 'Fuck it'. This party sucks anyway.

He leans forward and kisses her. Maybe this way he can stop his thoughts from running.

*~*~*

Kes sees Lucas leaning forward and quickly looks away.

He had been watching him and Nina from the corner of his eye. Lucas had seem upset – again.

Kes had worried for a second that something was wrong with his mom again. But apparently it wasn't that bad, for it didn't seem to stop him from making out with Nina now in front of everyone.

Kes feels Isa looking at him. He turns to face her.

“You okay?“, she asks.

Kes smiles at her. She knows him too well.

“Wanna smoke outside? I need some fresh air.“

She nods and they get up.

Kes breathes in the night as they step outside. He lights a cigarette and looks at Isa.

“You want one, too?“

“No, thanks.“

They stand there in silence for a moment, watching the city lights in front of them.

It's a pleasant silence. With Isa it's always so easy.

“How are you?“, Isa finally asks and turns to face him.

Kes just sighs. “I actually don't know. Fine, I guess.“

Isa smiles and tilts her head. “Nothing on your mind, then?“

Kes squints his eyes and blows out some smoke.

“Are you trying to say something?“

Isa giggles and shrugs. Kes smiles back at her. “You're weird.“

She pretends to be shocked and lays a hand on top of her heart.

“Me? Weird? How dare you.“

She playfully slaps his arm. They're silent for another moment and Kes tries to focus on this, on the smell of the night, on the taste of tobacco in his mouth, on Isa's pleasant company.

But he can't get the image of Lucas making out with Nina out of his head.

“Something up with you and Luke?“, Isa suddenly asks and Kes quickly turns his head, feeling caught.

He coughs. “No, what do you mean?“

Isa shrugs. “Nothing, I just thought you two were kinda weird around each other.“

“Everything's fine. I mean, he seems to have a lot of fun“, he says and gestures back at the door of Jayden's flat.

“With his girlfriend?“, Isa asks.

Kes tries to ignore the sting he feels as he hears that word. Girlfriend.

“Yeah. Whatever.“

Isa takes his cigarette from him and inhales smoke.

She fixates him with her typical no-bullshit-stare.

“Are you jealous?“

Kes feels his face heat up but tries to stay calm. He snorts.

“Jealous? Of whom? Why would I be jealous?“

“I don't know, Kes. That's what I'm asking you.“

Kes looks at her but crumples under her gaze. “I don't know what you're talking about“, he says while he is starting to realize what exactly she is talking about.

His thoughts spin around in his head as he puts the puzzle pieces together to one final picture. A picture so clear that he doesn't understand why it took him so long to get it.

Isa watches him. She gives him his cigarette back but he just tosses it over the railing.

“Fuck“, he mumbles under his breath.

Isa pats his back. When he finally looks at her again, she smiles at him warmly.

“I think you should talk to him.“

*~*~*

Lucas and Kes walk back home together, not saying a word.

Lucas thinks about a hundred different ways to start a conversation but they all sound lame in his head. It frustrates him: Talking to Kes was always easy. Sure, he never told him about his feelings. But still, being with Kes felt always right. And now the energy between them has shifted and Kes haven't said anything to him, not even looked at him, and he doesn't know what to do.

All he knows is that he can't stand this awkward silence anymore.

“Nice party“, he finally says.

Kes just hums in agreement.

They keep walking. Lucas is glad that the dark of the night covers his face. He usually is good at keeping a poker face but right now he fears that his feelings are written on his face in bold letters.

I like you, he wants to say.

Are you mad at me?, he wants to say.

Don't hate me, he wants to say.

“The thing with Nina is nothing serious“, he says.

Kes looks at him from the side, finally.

“Okay?“, he says, his voice neutral, although Lucas can hear the question mark at the end.

“It was just... for fun. I think I'm gonna break it off.“

Kes is quiet for a moment, then he just says “Sorry“.

Lucas chuckles quietly. “Don't be.“

Kes suddenly stops walking and looks straight at him. Lucas stops too.

They're standing under a streetlight. Lucas can't read Kes' expression, but he can tell by the way he moves his hands that he is nervous. Why is he nervous?

“Why did you tell me that?“, Kes asks.

Lucas is surprised by the question.

“'Cause I thought you should know.“

He thinks for a second and then says what he really wanted to say: “'Cause I wanted you to know.“

They look at each other and Kes' eyes seem to look through him, seeing the truth behind his words and seeing everything he always wanted to say but couldn't.

Lucas spots something in Kes' expression, a subtle hint of hope and he decides this is it. This is the moment, now or never. He takes a deep breath.

“Kes... I like you. I have for a long time. And I was always scared to destroy our friendship if I told you. I didn't want to lose you because you mean too much to me. But I just... I don't want to hide this any longer. I don't think I can.“

He doesn't dare to look at Kes.

“And that thing with Nina was just to distract myself but it didn't work. Because I don't want to be with anyone... with anyone exept you.“

Lucas stops talking. He's scared he already said too much.

When he finally looks up again he expects to see confusion in Kes' face, or rejection in his eyes.

But all hes sees is warm affection. His heart jumps.

Kes steps one step closer to him and shakes head slightly.

“You're an idiot“, he says quietly and then pulls him in.

Lucas has only a second to understand what's happening before he already feels Kes' lips on his.

He closes his eyes and kisses him back, pours all of repressed emotions from the last years into this kiss.

Kes buries his hand into his hair and Lucas wraps his arms around him. He is warm and smells like smoke and firewood and Lucas wants to stay like this forever, wants to always feel Kes so close to him, so close to his beating heart.

He almost pouts when Kes pulls away but can't stay mad for very long because Kes looks at him like he is the most wonderful thing in the world.

He takes Lucas' head into his hands and kisses him quickly on his nose.

Lucas' screws up his face. His brain finally catches up with what is happening and suddenly a thought stirs up.

“Wait, why am I the idiot?“, he says.

Kes laughs and the sound of it sends a shiver down Lucas' spine.

“You're right. We're both idiots.“

He leans back in again and Lucas meets him halfway, tasting his lips and his tongue and thinking this should never end, I want him to stay forever.

And he doesn't know at this moment, while they're kissing under the streetlight, but he will. He will stay.

**Author's Note:**

> yes there is a call me by your name quote in here i couldn't help myself


End file.
